Daniel’s Self-Help Guide to Perpetual Happiness

Posted by Daniel on October 9, 2012

The universe is yours. It is that simple. Visualize it, and it will be true.

Of course, I’m not sure which universe that is, nor do I think it’s necessarily a good place for me, because maybe your “visualizations” involve somehow screwing me over to get what you want, in which case, I should be visualizing ways to screw you over—you, and several billion other people and the million other galaxies and whatnot—because the universe is mine, not yours, and it’s no trespassing, asshole.

This is what happens when I try to think positive thoughts. As you can see, it’s not very productive for me. And I refuse to read new-age self-help books, even for laughs. I don’t care what Oprah says.

But there is a new school emerging, one that validates my live-by-worst-case-scenario approach to happiness, one that says it’s never too late to embrace the negativity—the life’s a bitch, and then you die—that’s in your heart.

Here is a cool little animated trailer my sister shared. It’s for a book by Oliver Burkeman, called The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking.


I was thinking that maybe The Antidote could be my first self-help book. But I feel despondent already. Maybe you can read it and tell me about it. Then, together, we can enjoy all the success and happiness the doldrums have to offer.